Siam Paragon was what it was always - busy, transactional and filled with Thais and tourists alike. As I walked by the new Mos burger outlet, I saw people standing in small groups all staring at a spot in the pond of white furniture. A woman was standing and tightly hugging a man who was seated at a table and in severe convulsions. They were obviously foreigners, Westerners. The man was spasming uncontrollably and the woman had her head down over his head which was buried into her stomach. She had her arms tightly wrapped around him almost like she was trying to love him out of his epileptic state.
I couldn’t do a thing, nobody could. This woman and her husband, boy friend, friend whatever he was - were completely alone and together in this sea of pitying, curious, horrified faces all staring intently at them. I couldn’t see her face but I know she was feeling a level of fear that can only come from loving him. She was probably knowledgeable about his condition as she had the poise of somebody who had dealt with this before but I know she was still fearful for him, for her, for their distance from the safe harbor of their home.
The man’s convulsions eased and a staff member brought a wheel chair. The woman helped the man into it and they left. Their sense of dignity was deeply affecting. My sense of helplessness was overwhelming, is overwhelming. I felt a tight pain in my chest twisting its way around my neck that spoke to my shame, in-equanimity and lack of understanding of my feelings.
I want to know that the man is alright, that they are used to this happening as a couple and this was just a rare recurrence of his condition, that he had perhaps forgotten to take his pills and that the woman was now laughingly scolding him for forgetting. I needed to know they were now kissing and this only made his love for this woman who obviously loved him stronger. I wanted to know the woman wasn’t feeling despair with having to deal with this and she would be there for him forever.
I desperately want her to be saying to him - this is our world, my dear and I would give anything up for this.
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